signs?

As I stand here painting my office... taking a break from "life" I can't help but think about the "signs" that may have been there to tell me that there was a monster trying to break down my dads body...

In 1998, my dad had a stroke on May 18th, my birthday... He healed wonderfully from his stroke but the left side of his body (his foot/leg) was a bit numb after and he couldn't feel much like he could on the right side. That caused him to walk a tiny bit different but nothing that was very noticable...

As I think back to last year, I can remember being over visiting and seeing my dad have trouble walking up the steps... He started to need to take a break half way up the steps... I would say "Daddy, why are you walking like that?" And he would say "Girl, leave me alone!"  I would then call my moms name and say "Mommy, daddy is having trouble walking up the steps!" He would laugh and say something like "Leave me alone!" jokingly. At that time I thought that it was maybe due to his stroke or maybe even his asthma but he wouldn't be out of breath... just seemed "achy" or "weak". Today, I am wondering if that was a sign of the cancer spreading to his bones.... God how I wish I would have known the signs to look out for.

I am hoping that somehow, someway this blog will be useful to another family/individual... I am hoping that with the non profit my sister is working to start that the resources for others will be right at their fingertips.

I am going to end this entry by saying that it PAINS me to type or say the word C*%*#R now and I don't want to refer to it by name anymore. I am desperately hoping for a day that I don't think about this disease or talk about it at all. I just want to enjoy my dad today... Laugh with him, Talk with him, LOVE HIM, etc.

this was my dad last year in vegas for my wedding... he loved vegas so much! He didn't play in the casino's, he just enjoyed the lights and scenery there so much! I can not wait until he is better so that I can take him back there.


my moms birthday last year.

How were we supposed to know????? I find myself wishing that when he PSA results came back @ 5 last year that his dr. would have told him what this meant :-/

Find myself wishing I knew what all the "signs" meant....

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I will be updating soon with yesterday's photos... was just thinking and thought I'd blog about it...